Posted by: Megan | June 26, 2007

You know you’ve been in China too long when …

At Mealtime…

1- A few shots of maotai don’t even give you a buzz.

2- You’re at an expensive western restaurant and don’t even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone

3- A June 2000 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice

4- You think of ‘salad’ as diced apples in mayonnaise

5- When someone says ‘snack’, you think: salted cuttlefish.

6- You don’t recognise a bowl of chicken soup unless there’s feet and a head in it.

7- You only drink beer from one litre bottles.

8- You invite friends for dinner and serve 1,000 year old eggs as an appetiser.

9- You crave salt…all the time.

10- You feel awkward using a knife and fork.

11- You think pork belongs as a flavouring in all foods.

12- Your favourite pizza toppings are corn and shrimp.

When travelling by Plane…

1- You always are first to retrieve all your carry-on luggage from the overhead bins between landing and arrival at the gate.

2- You think 3 separate security checks in an airport is acceptable.

3- You have carry on luggage made from red, white and blue nylon sheeting.

4- You sprint frantically from the tarmac to the aeroplane to ensure you get a seat.

Fashion means…

1- you get your haircut on the sidewalk.

2- You leave the ‘Garbano’ designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve.

3- You like those Frankenstein shoes on women.

4- You don’t bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans.

5- You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions.

6- In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.

7- (men) And you roll your shirt up to your nipples.

8- You wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.

9- You have a purse and you are male.

For entertainment…

1- You enjoy karaoke.

2- You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.

3-The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.

4- You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.

5- Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.

6- You watch ‘xiaqi’ (Chinese chess) on TV religiously.

7- You find yourself “getting back to nature” in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.

Around Town…

1- You smoke in crowded elevators.

2- All white people look the same to you.

3- You like the smell of the bus.

4- Open spaces make you nervous.

5- You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.

6- People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.

7- You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.

8- Other foreigners seem foreign to you.

9- You find yourself exiting a major highway…on your bike.

In the WC…

1- You find western toilets uncomfortable.

2- You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).

3-Those footprints on the toilet are yours.

Your Health…

1- You go to the hospital at the first signs of a cold.

2- You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.

3- Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your ‘Qi’.

4- You don’t notice your gastrointestinal problems anymore.

5- Your body no longer accepts dairy products.

Communication means…

1- You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.

2- You ask people in what animal year they were born.

3- You measure distances in ‘Li’.

4- You think you speak Chinese fluently.

Social Customs…

1- Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.

2- The last time you visited your mother you presented her with your business card.

3- Your handshake is weakening by the day.

4- You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.

5- You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.

And Finally…

You think your nose IS kind of big.

NB: source of this ‘article’ unknown – it was emailed to me at a stage when I was able to indentify with at least half of the above!  Megan

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